Before I started my personal development journey,
I was a girl who doesn’t know what she wants.
I know I have dreams and goals,
but they seemed unreachable as the stars in the galaxy.
I wouldn’t even make it to the clouds unless I’m Supergirl.
I know that feeling when you have an image of your ideal life,
but you feel like they seem impossible to attain with your life situation.
Whenever I try to start doing things that will lead me to those dreams,
I ruminate how far it is from where I am then I eventually give up.
I didn’t know where to start either,
so I settled with the current situation and left everything to fate.
I waited for life to change by itself.
Most of us do.
We wait.
But don’t you think that if we wait, it’ll take us forever?
We can’t just leave everything to fate.
Inaction feeds fear.
Related Post: The Cure to Depression | Gratitude as An Undeniable Key to Happiness
The Quarter Life Crisis
According to Varci Vartanian’s article in The Muse,
a quarter-life crisis is a period of intense soul searching and stress occurring in your mid-20s to early-30s (although it can begin as early as 18).
At this stage,
the habit of rumination for the future is not common.
Although this stage in life is normal,
indulging and condoning it may develop into a deep depression.
But, it can also be an excellent opportunity for significant growth, depends on the person.
Some of the symptoms of this stage are…
feeling stagnant
waking up feeling flat and empty
detachment from others
feeling like not fitting in
feeling unsure of life’s purpose
If the Quarter Life Crisis gets ahead of one’s life, it can form the habit of rumination.
Before my personal development journey,
before I started making a habit of exercise and reading books, writing, and so on…
I had times of severe rumination that has affected my self-confidence and social skills.
And worse,
I had severe anxiety to the point where I’d poke my chest just to try to repress the dreaded feelings whenever it’s triggered.
Rumination is a state when a person repeatedly dwells on their worries and not being able to focus on the present moment.
It is an act of giving more attention to the past and future as more important than the actual moment.
Rumination as a habit, I believe, is one of the root causes of depression.
The Significance of The Present Moment
Every one of us experiences being able to achieve dreams and goals,
may it be small goals or big goals.
The moment we get what we want, we feel a sense of success.
And as time passes,
the feelings of euphoria eventually fade away.
Most people have experiences of winning the end goal but never won the journey.
Sometimes you get the life you want and the material things that you have been dreaming of achieving for years or months.
And yet,
You question yourself,
“Why does it seem like I’m still looking for something?”
“Why am I still not happy?”
Happiness Can’t Be Found Outside of Us
I had a friend who grew up in Las Vegas, Nevada.
Because his parents are originally just two towns away from where I live,
We see each other like once or twice a year when he comes to visit the place.
Even from a distance,
We have this great connection that kept our communication.
He was my mentor every time I applied for a job interview,
My ears whenever I wanted to vent out my heartbreaks,
My clown who never failed to make me laugh.
But even if we were that close,
He never told me full details about his real-life in Las Vegas, his position at work, and how much achievement he attained.
But without his knowing,
I know the half of it because one of his people opened up to me.
I look up to him and admire him so much for having a heart of gold despite how much accolades and abundance he has.
One day,
He opened up to me.
I can’t recall the exact model of the car,
but I know it was the latest luxury car that he bought at the time that probably cost around $300,000 to $450,000.
As a metaphor of how he’s living his life,
he buys a car and then sells it when he gets bored of it, then buy a new one, then sells it again to buy another, and so on.
“Why am I still not happy?”
He uttered.
“I can buy and do anything I want, and yet, I’m not truly happy.”
My heart felt a deep sadness and empathy towards the words from a man I look up so much.
If only we could do it through coffee, but I’m continents away from him.
Cars, accolades, positions,
they’re great…
super great actually.
But that’s not what he truly needs.
He needs love.
It doesn’t mean we can’t have the material things we want.
They are a gift in life too.
It doesn’t mean we should stop aiming for our dreams and goal;
it’s crazy not to have goals.
It only means we are bound to need love, for ourselves and others.
And love is found at the present moment.
Love for who you are at the moment, what you have at the moment, who you’re with, what you do, and the people around you.
Love in the present moment, not tomorrow, not yesterday, not 10 minutes from now, not 5 minutes earlier…
But NOW… in EVERY moment.
The NOW
One of the reasons why we easily get stressed out is because we focus too much on the goal,
We forget to enjoy our daily journey of reaching it.
The truth is,
the goal is not the one that will truly make you happy.
What makes us actually happy are the ones that we enjoy every moment of doing it.
They are our daily, small things we do or have in every day that we encounter.
Sometimes dreaming about a future you desire, a life you want to have, or a person you want to be is kind of tricky and dangerous to your mental health if you don’t know how to balance your mindset.
Real success is not winning the end goal.
It is how you take every step of the way on your end goal.
If you achieve a goal, but you never really enjoyed the journey of achieving it,
is that a success for you?
As Eckhart Tolle stated in his book, The Power of Now,
It is possible to fail completely in your outer purpose and at the same time totally succeed in your inner purpose.
In other words,
you may fail at something or a goal you tried to win for how many months or years,
but you won every day through the journey because you enjoyed doing it.
“After achieving every outer purpose or goal is doomed to fade away sooner or later because it is subject to the law of impermanence of all things.”
Eckhart Tolle
The Myth of Discontent as Human Nature
I was a believer that people are born never to be contented in life as what most people believe.
I grew up with the belief that humans are bound to always look for something and never get contented in life.
That’s what most people think, isn’t it?
The belief has been a tradition for how many decades.
We have accepted the idea as part of human nature.
However, let me enlighten your perspective,
“Contentment is possible.”
And it is a work on progress.
And it is a choice.
Choosing the Present Moment Takes Practice, Choosing to be Happy is a Process
“Action doesn’t always bring happiness. But there is no happiness without action.”
We have our own will.
“Go with the flow” doesn’t mean we stop taking action.
It means we take inspired action without attachment to the outcome and trust God and the Universe to guide your way through achievement.
“I choose to be happy today.”
I never really understood this saying until I started my personal development journey.
We can’t just leave everything to fate.
Don’t wait for the happiness to come because it’ll take you forever.
Find out what you genuinely enjoy doing daily.
Learn to love the people around you daily,
not because they can give it back but because you are able to give.
Do it in the present moment… every day.
Choosing the present moment and choosing to be happy today means doing it now and then.
Thanks for being here.
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