In this generation, cheating has become a trend.
The society is even tolerating infidelity through media, televisions and movies.
And I’m not a very big fan of this system because this, I believe, has a severe impact and danger in the future of dating and relationships.
What the human mind tolerates repeatedly will gradually normalize the belief.
But first of all, really… why do people cheat?
“Once a cheater always a cheater.”
Do you believe that?
Do you believe that a person can always change?
As always, the answer depends on one’s capability and courage to know how to change.
“ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER”
Do you know why this quote is so famous?
If you’re like me, you believe that people can always change – with the right mindset and knowledge.
But the truth is that the quote makes sense in many ways.
That quote became famous for the reason that there are more people who always go back to the old habits of cheating, than those people who had successfully changed.
It all goes down to the paradigm of a person’s habits.
All the underlying issue of non-monogamy goes down to the routines, habits, or paradigm of a person;
how they are used to being discontented and insecure,
what they’re used to feel,
how they’re used to think,
what they’re used to do.
Even if a person is willing to change for the better,
but he doesn’t know how to change and doesn’t have enough courage and effort to understand how then he’ll never change.
Those are the ones we can call “Once a cheater always a cheater.”
Related Post: The Power of Your Subconscious
WHY SOME PEOPLE STILL CHEAT AND NEVER LEARN
If two people in a relationship have an agreement for exclusivity and faithfulness, and that agreement is broken by their actions and decisions, that’s cheating.
Everything else is an excuse.
“She’s too busy, and she’s not giving me enough time and attention.”
“I’m not happy.”
“I met someone else who makes me feel loved more than she does.”
These statements are an excuse.
When dating someone with a history of infidelity,
those partners who already fell into the butterflies of infatuation will think that the person they’re dating will actually change.
But I tell you, they won’t.
You should only consider taking another risk if they know how to change those kinds of habits –
but sadly, most people don’t.
Giving a second chance to someone still depends on that.
I’ve seen people who want to stop hurting their partners they’re committed with,
to prevent cheating,
to stop flirting with multiple people.
But even if they want to stop, they kept doing it.
Because our mind doesn’t want changes and it feels uncomfortable when we start something new in our life.
You always go back to what’s familiar and comfortable.
I’ve seen people who were forgiven by their partners and stopped cheating for a while,
but still went back to their old routines.
To change a bad habit is not easy.
It requires effort and knowledge.
If it were that easy to change a bad habit,
there would be no more people doing something that could destroy their lives.
That’s also the reason why some people have considered non-monogamous relationships;
polyamory and open relationships.
THE UNDERLYING ISSUE WHY A PERSON FORMED THE HABIT OF CHEATING
I’m not going to dig in-depth the facts about the Psychology of cheating.
But these are based on observation, experience, research, and well… a little about Psychology still.
Many guidance counsellors reported that most of their clients with an issue of infidelity shown signs of insecurity and they concluded that it has something to do with their childhood. Most of our mind programming were gained from childhood days when the subconscious was still vulnerable to ideas, memories, and information. Those people who lived in childhood when their parents were involved with infidelity will likely follow the actions at an older age.
People with low self-esteem can cause them to be intensely dependent on other people’s attention and validation – that sometimes the attention of just one person could not fill it in. They seek the kind of validation and attention for more than one person. Having low self-esteem also links to fear of rejection, and some people cheat as a way of rejecting rather than being rejected.
Fear of Commitment
Sometimes, when a person has a commitment issue, affairs can occur when they would be most secure in their relationship. Security such as after getting engaged, getting pregnant, or getting married – or just in the position of being in the most secure state in the relationship – can scare away a person who has a fear of commitment. They can destroy, consciously or unconsciously, what they’ve been protecting and building for so long because of fear.
Sexual addiction is a common link to the issue of cheating. When someone habitually engages in sexual activity as a way of satisfying desires and relieving negative emotions, it can develop an addiction the same way that a drug or alcohol does. It usually happens to men, but this can also happen to women. If they’re in a relationship and they can’t get enough sexual satisfaction – which is most of the time they couldn’t because it’s an addiction – then they’re going to have feelings of an urge to fill it in with other people, consciously or unconsciously.
CAN PEOPLE CHANGE?
As I have mentioned above, it depends on one’s capability and courage to know how to change.
Our mind doesn’t want change,
that’s why it feels uneasy and uncomfortable when we start something new and unfamiliar.
But that kind of uneasiness is what it takes to change.
It takes being destroyed by uncomfortable feelings first before getting used to new positive habits.
It takes patience and courage to make the familiar unfamiliar and make the unfamiliar familiar.
For me, monogamy is still the best kind of relationship.
I may have considered the other ideas outside of it due to being the kind of person who’s open to anything that can happen,
but focusing on one person can be very fulfilling to both parties.
If you’re into monogamy and you want to know if the person you’re going out with is good for you, get to know their habits.
Know their daily activities, their routines, what they’re used to do, how they’re used to feel and think.
If they’re used to flirt with multiple people and have cheated various times in their history,
take these records as red flags.
Don’t try to change them either, the decision is theirs.